Sharon Siwale-Fumbeshi

Sharon Siwale-Fumbeshi
Me, Myself and I

Sunday, 11 September 2011

Why Abused Women Don't Tell

Most of us have probably come across a woman who has been abused continuously and wonder why she has not left such a relationship/marriage??

Rihanna and Chris Brown in happy times
Truth of the matter is that the abused mostly feels ashamed to come out and tell of their predicament. As the abuse goes on a woman tends to lose her self-esteem, they tend to feel worthless. Just the mere fact that they are hit, kicked and beaten is enough to make them feel worthless, and it robs of them of their self-esteem.
Abuse ranges from beating, kicking, shoving someone to the floor, being degraded and humiliated (emotionally, physically and verbally).
It’s very common for a woman to feel that what their lover is doing to them is out of love when in fact it’s not. Mostly as the abuse goes on a woman tends to think their spouse will change. Mostly the abuser will always assure them of how much he is going to change but at the end of the day it’s the same old story.
Most women in Africa and the world over will persevere because they wouldn’t want to be labelled as failures if they disclose and the marriage ends.
One of the elements that lead a woman not to leave an abusive relationship/marriage is lack of financial independence. Most women depend on their partners for finance, making  it hard for them to leave and start a new life as they are mostly not educated.
Some because there are children involved, it becomes hard for them to leave because being a single parent can be strenuous.
Am no expert but I feel at the end of the day it’s up to the abused to admit that they are in an abusive relationship and would want to get out of it. Only until then can everyone give their support to help them come to terms with their predicament and help them heal. But the sooner they accept and get out of it the better. Some women come out alive if they are lucky while some end up being dead.
There have been instances where people and family chipped in but the woman still went back to the abuser.
Let’s look at cases of abuse that rocked the world.
We will first look at the famous Rihanna and Chris Brown fiasco.
In 2009 the World was shocked to learn of  Rn’B Sweetheart Rihanna’s bruised pictures as they surfaced on the internet.
The alleged bruises were caused by no other than then boyfriend Rn’B singer Chris Brown.
The pair begun squabbling after leaving Clive David’s’ Pre-Grammy party. According to E news Brown pulled his Lamborghini to the side of a street in LA, that’s when Rihanna grabbed the car keys and tossed them out the window, sending Brown into rage.
He tried in vain to find the keys, then came back to the car, put his hands around her neck and said ‘’ I am going to kill you.’’
Rihanna lost consciousness, and when she woke, Brown had fled.
On August 25, 2009 Brown was sentenced to serve a five year probation and to serve more than 1,400 hours in ‘labour’ oriented service.
Then there was one that ended tragically.
According to People Magazine South Africa, Successful designer Clarena Acosta who together with her husband Samuel Abomohor amassed 14 clothing stores in Colombia and Panama.
After the abusive marriage, Clarena filed for divorce and tried to start a new life, without Samuel. While separated she moved back in with her parents because she and her husband fought bitterly every day after work. In 2009 she moved back in the house she shared with her husband.
Clarena and Samuel
Close family members knew of Samuel’s tyrannical demeanor and violent temper, but they never expected the tragedy that befell them.
During New Year’s Eve 2009, Samuel gathered the family in the master bedroom claiming he had something to announce. ‘’ Come in, I want you to be the judge,’’ he told them. Once inside he yelled at his wife as she sat on the edge of the bed: I have proof that you’re having an affair. I have your emails- all of them. I know what you’re up to, you bit#*h.
Everybody pleaded for him to put the gun down. He ordered everyone out of the room, but minutes later the argument was cut short when two shots rang out.
During the trial, Samuel showed his temper, he argued with the presiding judge.
On November 29, 2010, Samuel Abomohor was sentenced to 45 years and 10 months in jail.

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